[Forgiveness] + [Repentance] = Reconciliation

Dear Jack,

As aspect of faith – and of human relationships – that I’ve often struggled with is that of forgiveness.  I never really seemed to have a grasp on a number of its implications: how Jesus has forgiven us our yet confessed sins, why we still have to ask for forgiveness for something we’ve supposedly already been forgiven for, how we can forgive someone without them saying sorry, and how we can say sorry and still have someone not forgive us.  It never really solidified in my head and heart what this really meant.

Until I read this idea that the goal of forgiveness isn’t forgiveness, it’s reconciliation.  This makes more sense.  People hurt each other, sometimes intentionally, other times unintentionally – and we don’t just need forgiveness, we need reconciliation for the relationship to become whole again.  The same with our relationship with Jesus.

When you change the end goal from forgiveness to reconciliation, you then realize the often overlooked aspect of repentance (or saying I’m sorry, but really meaning it).  It was then that I realized that the two components which lead to reconciliation – the end goal – can exist independently of each other … but that for reconciliation to occur, they both both must coincide.

[Forgiveness]
Forgiving someone is the act of accepting a wrong done to you and not holding onto the injustice.  You can forgive someone for hurting you – in fact that’s what we’re encouraged to do.  It’s the only way to really free yourself from a hurtful position.  It’s what you do when your spouse insults you in front of your family.  It’s what you do when a drunk driver takes away your ability to walk.  It’s what the Amish community did when a mad man shot 10 girls, killing 5 of them.  It’s what Jesus did when he died on the cross for our sins.  The act of forgiving is unconditional on the act of repenting.

[Repentance]
On the other side of forgiving is repenting - acknowledging a wrong you did and making an intentional effort to correct it, or at least not do it again.  It’s more than saying “I’m sorry,” although those words are probably part of it.  Repentance is admitting you insulted your spouse, belittling her in front of your family.  It’s the drunk driver saying he was wrong, confessing his guilt, and being truthful with his wrongdoing.  Repentance is caring for the Amish girl victims as the mother of the shooter, since the son is no longer around to repent himself.  It’s what we do when we realize our sins and how we’ve fallen short of the perfection demanded of us.  The act of repenting is also unconditional on the act of forgiving.

Reconciliation
And when these two combine, then – and only then – can reconciliation take place.  We’re free to choose which end of the wrongdoing we will respond to – forgiving or repenting.  And we can’t force the other party to repent or to forgive.  But when both parties do, relationships are restored.  Shalom is present.

I find it somewhat ironic that the two components both have the same major obstacle to overcome: pride.  Not forgiving is holding onto the notion that we didn’t deserve to be hurt.  Not repenting is holding onto the notion that we didn’t do anything wrong – or worse, that the wrong we did was deserved.  Pride is such an ugly thing.  And it so easily camouflages itself into our lives.  I don’t think it’s too extreme to say that pride is the single most damaging character flaw in all relationships.  I wish I had better suggestions on how to pragmatically search our lives for pride, but I don’t.  We simply must ask God to search our hearts like David did.  Till next time, Jack.

Sincerely,
J.

A Song That Speaks to My Heart

Dear Jack,

Ever since high school when I pretended I was something, or possibly someone, that I wasn’t, I’ve always had an infatuation with hip hop music – from Kanye West, to Jay Z, from Cross Movement to Mars ILL.  The latter two aren’t near as well known, probably because they’re considered Christian artists, and Christian rap music leaves a lot to be desired most of the time.  However, both Cross Movement and Mars ILL have some truly profound lyrics, and have an almost prophetic tone missing in other contemporary Christian music.

One of these songs is “The Calm Before” by Mars ILL.  I’m going to just post the lyrics below, emphasizing some of the lines that stuck with me noteably, but leaving the rest for you to dwell on.  If we take the words seriously, it should seriously challenge us to what we believe as Christians – and how we act.

Mars ILL – “The Calm Before”

[Verse #1]
I left my footprints on the ocean’s waves before the storm came
But form changed to man overboard sinking self-aware
Thinking no one’s there to catch me when I fall to the sandy floor beneath the coral reef
I pray the Lord my soul to keep – he holds the deep in his palm
And simultaneously, he gives his hand to me
The salty sea that made my eyes to weep is now beneath my feet
With concrete stability, steps I take to moves made critically
Peripheral at a standstill as Divinity makes his presence felt physically
It’s miraculous but true. It’s all for you
But the fact is that modern man is scared to death and torn in two
Because the truth draws him higher, undercurrent holds him down
Afraid he’ll drown, he forgets those pieces of peace he might have found
Well at least he struggles – ’cause to stroll too easily through those puddles
Lulls you to sleepy dreamscapes where your sensibilities are muddled
And I know that if he seeks God, he’ll recognize him when he sees Him
And he’ll realize whose hands he needs to be in..

[Verse #2]
When disaster strikes the field, the likes of them head for the hills
To regroup their bearings on their enemy ’til they’re ready, dressed to kill
“It’s better to feel safe than live in fear.” I ask ‘em, “Why is that?”
They responded, “We need stability in this comfortable habitat.”
“So send the lower middle-class to the front lines, their death will protect us.”
“We’ll talk loud and hide behind our penthouses and brand new Lexus.”
“It affects us to a point. Didn’t you see the stock market crash?”
“We couldn’t sacrifice our buying power. Tell me, how smart is that?”
I said, I saw the blast, heard the crash of lives shattered to pieces
Saw a street preacher yelling loud and holding a sign about Jesus
I agreed and kept walking because I’m not quite sure what to do
I tried to front and talk a lot of patriotism, same as you
But the ideas ain’t really new, see genocide, it happens globally
We just get shook up when it happens locally
So, love one another and be wise. Don’t foster malice
In the name of revenge for Country until your soul turns callous, soul turns callous..

[Verse #3]
Before the world premiere of dawn light switched on and day broke through
Before the sky was blue, before any big-bang or primordial ooze
Before man stepped on the scene in his prowess unprepared for the challenge
Before the planets were set in place to hold the galaxies in the balance
Before time, before reason, rhyme, love, hate and emotion
Before the seasons, before the first word was spoken or heart was broken
Before defiance turned to evil revolt and all Hell broke loose
Before any creature would even dare to contradict his point of view
He was there, God, triune, omnipotent, controlling existence
Before people claimed to serve the Crucified was a slave religion
Before the fall of Adam imprisoned descendants with original scars
Before you were born of your mother to try to figure out just who you are
Before war and confusion, before reality, before illusion
Before the beginning, Elohim had mapped out all the conclusions
Before the restitution to come that Revelation promises all of us
Not Nostradamus’ blind predictions through delusional blurred vision
The calm came before the storm with power to kill
The calm is present now and it lives within me still
The calm is present now and it lives within me still
The Calm is present now and he lives within me still..

[Lyrics courtesy of Lyricstime.com]

My parting and intentionally non-conclusive thought is this: some things in life are overvalued.  Some things in life are undervalued.  It’s our duty to figure out which are which.  Till next time, Jack.

Sincerely,
J.

Stop Playing the Safe Life

Dear Jack,

Pretty intense story with a pretty awesome message.

Think of the implications that this mentality has in your life.  For me, it means living more boldly in our city neighborhood, specifically loving on the neighbors who may not be exactly like us (or do the things we want them to do).  It also means being more bold in my career in prospecting.

My favorite part of the video is the idea of a judge scoring an Olympian who just hugged a balance beam because they “don’t want to fall.”  My words are only going to take away from what this video can speak into your life, so I’m going to cut this letter short.  Powerful stuff.  Till next time, Jack.

Sincerely,
J.